Not Bad for a New Guy & Saying Goodbye

So tonight I trained the new bartender. We're going to call him...Aaron. His real name is much cooler, and I'm sure that if I tried really hard I could come up with something better, but I'm sitting here, at my desk, with a plastic cup of skyy vodka and cranberry and I just don't care to think through the delicious buzz.

I think he's going to work out. I've never trained anyone before, and he could tell but he took it all in stride. He laughed at our jokes, teased back and after all of the hazing we put him through (not physical hazing, we just pulled out the stops on all of our crass, rude and inappropriate inside jokes) he's still planning on showing up tomorrow. In fact, I liked his attitude and capabilities so much that I went ahead and threw him on the bar for 4 days/week, which is twice what I had planned on when I hired him. The customers liked him, he learned quickly and had such a great attitude that I figured I'd treat myself and Katie to two days off each per week. It'll be a nice change of pace.

I explained to him why Guy doesn't work with us anymore, and he seemed appalled by the condition the bar had been left in those days. He restocked without asking, bussed dishes to the pit and reached the stuff on the tall shelves for me (have I ever mentioned that I'm about 5' tall?). I think I'll keep him.

On another note, today I had to say goodbye to two amazing customers, and I'm really really going to miss them.
Greg is from the same small town my Memaw is from - Decatur, AL - and is truly just one of the nicest guys I've ever known. The first night he was in my restaurant, I served him the wrong wine all night, and didn't realize until he decided to change to something else at the end of the evening. From then on, we played musical liquor every time he came down to the bar - he'd order something and I'd just serve whatever I could reach. It wasn't intentional at first, for some reason I just couldn't get his order right. I'm really going to miss the conversations and laughs - so I made a new AFP: Greg must return and bring me Big Bob Gibson's. The end. It's Ande's Fucking Policy, so you know it must be done :)
Jeff is a veteran who lost a leg in Iraq, and he has the best sense of humor about that situation than any amputee I've ever met. He does bar tricks with his false leg, grosses people out with it and laughs almost nonstop. He knows a famous porn star, likes football and beer, and can make almost anyone laugh. He finished a marathon a few weeks ago, and had to use a hand bike, but he finished it. How amazing is that? I'm really going to miss his smiles and his jokes, and the new AFP applies here, as well.

Happy Trails

How to Be Hated by Restaurant Staff, Part 3

Don't say 'thank you,' don't tip. It's okay - if we wanted money, we wouldn't be servers!

So last night I gave last call, closed out the register, locked up the liquor and was in the middle of doing my paperwork, having a nice chat with a lingering (in a good way) customer (an older gentleman who was discussing his days in the Army with me) when...
"You're closed already?"
I look up to see a man who truly looks like he needs a drink. Unfortunately, I feel like I need a drink and a nap and a chance to eat my dinner, which has been growing cold in the server station for the last thirty minutes, so I tell him that yes, I am already closed out for the night.
He looks really disappointed and starts to walk away, when I realize that I haven't done my good deed for the day, and I decide that making his night better will be it.

"Sir!" I call, "What were you planning on ordering?"
"Gin and Tonic," he says, walking back towards the bar.
"Okay sir, your drink is on me tonight. With lime?"
"Or lemon, if you don't have lime."
"Sure, no problem."

I unlock the cabinets, pull glassware, uncover my ice, pour liquor, unlock the fridge, pull garnish, reassemble my bar gun, fill the glass and set it on the counter.

Before I go any further, what do you think this customer did?

He picked up the drink and walked away. No 'thank you,' no tip, no nod of appreciation, no NOTHING. I have never been so insulted in my entire life. I bought this complete stranger a drink, out of my own pocket, after we were closed (which required a ton of unlocking and extra work) and he didn't even have the common courtesy to say thank you?
My customer at the bar just stared after him as he walked away, and remarked on the rudeness of people these days.


A while back, I had a man who yelled at me, in front of a bar full of customers, because there was an automatic gratuity on his bill. At our establishment, auto grat is put on for parties of 8 or more, or if a bill goes over $50 for a single person. I know that sounds excessive, but you wouldn't believe how often you get screwed over at a hotel bar. Anyway, I explained the reasoning behind the gratuity - many customers mistakenly believe that we are hotel employees and make the same wages, but we are, in fact, paid just like any other restaurant employee, just over federal tipped wage.
I took the gratuity off of his bill (around $80, just for him) and he left me zero. He explained to me that he doesn't believe in tipping unless the service was exemplary, and while my service had initially qualified as such, the pretentiousness of putting a gratuity on his bill undid all of that. Nice.


Last night, I must have served a dozen beers to two guys at my bar who paid cash for every round and never tipped.
It was just that sort of night, really. *sigh*

Happy Tip Stiffing

How to Be hated by Restaurant Staff, Part 2

Use the restaurant as your personal bathroom/lounge.

I almost threw up on my own bar last night. This customer comes in, sits at the bar and orders his drinks (Fat Tire) and food (Quesadilla). In the time between being handed his beer and the arrival of his food, this man preened and picked himself so much that I had to walk away more than once. No, really - he cleaned out his ears with his pinkie fingers, blew his nose about a hundred times (and when that didn't work, he wrapped his finger in a tissue and stuck it up his nose!), cleaned the sleep from his eyes, examined his fingernails, hocked up some sort of loogie and picked his teeth. That was all super gross, but the kicker was this: he didn't wash his hands before eating his quesadilla. Seriously, did you completely miss health class in high school? Did your mommy forget to teach you any manners? What the hell! This is my bar, not your bathroom counter!

The same disgust and hatred applies to the following offenders:
Parents who change diapers in the restaurant
Parents who leave nasty wet wipes and kleenex on the table where we have to touch them
People who pass gas in my restaurant (audibly or olfactorily noticeable)
People who pick their noses
People who pick their noses and then eat it
People who leave spit out or chewed up food on the tables or plates
People who cut their nails in public
Women who brush their hair in the restaurant
People who do not wash their hands
People who fill their empty drink glasses with trash or old food

Just remember that when you're out to eat, you are in public view. Anything having to do with personal hygiene or grooming should be done in the restroom, after one has excused oneself from the table. I don't want to see that nastiness, and neither does anyone else :(

Happy Grooming

How to Be Hated by Restaurant Staff, Part 1

That's right. This is an instructional post, and I'm vowing here and now to keep it short & sweet (mostly because I have to clean the house before I get ready for work).


BE AWARE OF OPEN AND CLOSE TIMES

Yesterday was not my day. I came in early to run interviews for a new bartender, so I had the bar set up so that it would be pretty for my interviewees. I understand why a customer would take the set up bar to mean that I was open and serving (despite the restaurant being in complete disarray from breakfast) and want to order a drink. But even if I was open, the correct way to obtain an icy cold beverage is not to command, as you walk past my bar to a table, "bring me a diet coke." Um, no. Not at all. I told him politely that I was not, in fact, open yet, and so couldn't serve him a drink, to which he replied, "What? *hugely dramatic sigh* Fine, whatever."
Before anyone gets upset that I didn't just go ahead and serve him, let me explain. Before I can make any sales, at all, I have to count out the drawer on the cash register. Which means unlocking the drawer. And counting the money. And then I have to go retrieve my micros card so that I can ring it through. And before someone says I should have just given it to him, since it was only a soda, here's this: I haven't cleaned the gun yet, unlocked the soda machine, or assembled the spouts. I haven't unlocked the glassware cabinets or uncovered and checked the ice. Also, our open times are clearly posted, and he was about an hour and a half too early. So there.

Since yesterday was so long, I decided to break down my bar a little early (I kept serving until closing time, like always) so that I would have less to do at the end of the night and could get home on time. Every thing is looking good, I've closed out all of my checks and served all of my customers, so I print out my end of night report. For those who don't know, that is the tally of every sale you made all night, including your credit charges, cash totals and tips. It's the last thing you do before filling out paperwork at the end of the night. I love printing off my end of night report.
It is ten minutes to close when this guy walks up to the bar and asks if we're still serving. I tell him all we can really offer him this late is a sandwich, which is fine by him. He orders a Brie Burger, medium rare with fries and a beer. I hook him up, and instead of taking it to his room or eating quickly and leaving or whatever, he lingers. Did you hear that? Lingers. This asshat sat at my bar for forty minutes past close to daintily nibble on his sandwich. What. the. hell.
In the time it took him to eat a burger, I did all of my paperwork, set some stuff up for the next day, double checked the servers work, did my cash drop, hung out with the front desk girl and the head of housekeeping (haven't thought of a name for him yet), and gathered all of my things. I was an hour late getting home because this guy had to hang out and munch.

Just be aware of the open and close times at your restaurant, okay? Us servers have lives, too. I have two toddlers and a husband that I want to get home to at night, and the longer you linger, the less time I have with them before bed. I know that this is a hotel and your room is only a minute's walk, but my house is much farther than that, and I'd like to get to it.

Happy Lingering

The White Trash Wedding Reception

I'd like to say 'thank you' to a particularly awesome group I had not too long ago - The Single Most White Trash Wedding Reception in the History of the World (TSMWTWRITHOTW for short).

Let us begin by saying that NOTHING that went wrong that night was F&B's fault (except the pears, but I'm still not sure what happened there) - it all stemmed from Aubrey's complete lack of competence in writing an event order. This piece of paper had no times, no details for decoration or room set up, no specifics in the wine and liquor order, NOTHING that we needed to provide this new couple with the reception they were hoping for. And of course, throughout the night, Aubrey repeatedly tried to peg all of the problems on me, and Dawn, and Katie, and the busboy, and the houseman, and the homeless guy outside, and the President, and the Queen of England - pretty much everybody except herself. That she was the Bride's bridesmaid only compounded the problems (at first).

Luckily, the night before this horrendous event, the wedding party came in to the hotel to set up the room and do the table decorations, and I was able to fill in a few blanks on the event order by talking with them. Apparently, they wanted lilac linens - we only have white. They wanted fewer tables, so we broke those down. They wanted Red Bull at the bar for Tuaca and Jager bombs (oh yeah, we'll go there later) that we hadn't ordered (on that note, they initially wanted kegs and pigs-in-blankets, but we sort of quashed that in favor of something a little higher end - this isn't the freakin' Outback). The room needed to be set up almost opposite of the way we had it, which wasn't a big deal. The list of things that were wrong just sort of went on and on.

Long story short, we pulled the night off without TOO much discord and disarray, but... well, I need to get some things off my chest, so to the following participants:

To the Bride: Thank you for not hating me when you easily could have made a case for doing so. I think my favorite part of the night was when you told me, "If I were the GM of this hotel, I would fire Aubrey's ass." It made every mean feeling I'd had all night seem justified. Also, you were pretty cool about how effed up your reception was, and I appreciate you going with the flow. On the other hand, what the fuck? Seriously, flinging icing across my bar? You really thought that was a good idea? Getting married does not absolve you from the responsibility of acting like an adult! And it was fucking PURPLE! Do you know how hard it was to get that shit out of my carpet?!? Come on!

To the Father of the Groom: It's cool that you only have three teeth. And it's cool that you wanted to have a burger at my bar while the ladies set up the reception room the night before the wedding. But my God. You only have three teeth. You just need to accept that there are some things you aren't going to be able to eat politely without the aid of a blender and a big straw. That shit was nasty. Your tongue was working overtime trying to keep the gummed up burger in your mouth - I really didn't need to see that. Just invest in some dentures already.

To the Father of the Bride: That $500 tab you ran for the wedding party was cool. So was the little James Bond-esque code word you picked out. It honestly made the night more amusing and enjoyable. But you, sir, were icky and old and hit on me waaay too much. I had to bluff my way out of dancing half a dozen times by claiming that employees aren't allowed on the dance floor during banquets. And you kept telling me to look into your eyes and then you would wink and lick your lips? NASTY. I had to take three showers after that, and I still feel dirty, even now. Oh, and thanks for not including gratuity on that $500 tab, by the way. Classy.

To the Groom: There isn't much to say about you. You did lots of Jager and Tuaca bombs, apologized for pretty much everyone in the room and kind of kept quiet. You are what every groom should be. I mean, if we're honest, the day wasn't much about you, anyway.

To the Couple Having Sex on the Dance Floor: And pretty much everywhere else, really. You were old and unattractive and it was nasty nasty nasty. Also, I wanted to beat the shit out of you with your own hors d'oeuvre when you shoved that half-eaten meatball on a fork in my face and demanded to know if I thought 'this shit was done.' Honestly, yes. If you had any class at all you would know that 'well done' is almost never an option at a high-class eatery. Those damn meatballs were a perfectly acceptable medium well. Fuck you and the horse you're fucking. Oops, I think that's your wife. My bad.

To the Amature Wrestler: You were just sad. Apart from being irreparably fugly, you were kind of an asshat. You made sure that everyone knew that you were the regional middleweight amature champ or WHATEVER that no one at all seemed to care about. Way to make the day all about you, champ.

To the Weird Chick Doing Karaoke: I hear that you weren't even really a wedding guest. I also hear that karaoke was never on the menu - you bribed the deejay? Seriously? Again, way to make the day about you, tard. Also, you really suck at singing. You should never, ever ever do that again. Ever.

To the Aunt Who Criticized My Banquet Management Skills: A great big F U. I did my best with what I had. Blame the bridesmaid who wrote the event order for this mess. I bent over backwards and ran around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to fix everything I possibly could. You didn't even acknowledge that I was trying, and the bride felt the need to apologize for you later. Yeah, you heard me. She apologized for the way you were acting. What does that say about you?

To Aubrey: No one here was upset or surprised that you were canned two days after the busted-up reception you 'organized.' I know you're probably harboring some mental images of all of us sitting around work on Monday, sobbing on each other's shoulders and consoling one another - whatever will we do without Aubrey, the light of our day? *sniff* There was practically an effing celebration. Know why? Because Katie and I won't be called on to set up last-minute drink stations for twenty people in ten minutes. Do you have any idea how long it takes to properly set up a drink station? AGES. You have to polish glassware, pitchers, lemons, arrange trays, set up the service area in the banquet room - it is a pain. So we're not too miffed that you're gone, really. Oh, and thanks for blaming the entire reception fiasco on me behind my back. Thank goodness everyone knew it wasn't my fault - have fun in the effing ballet, bitch.

Okay, I'm a little hiked on adrenaline from recounting that whole mess, and there may be a part two in the future, but for now I have to go get ready for work.
So to close this out, here is a big THANK YOU to the following:
Katie & Rob for helping me out so much - I would have completely drowned without the two of you. I don't even know how to tell you how much you saved my ass. It was super nice to have someone to laugh at these people with, because until you got there, I was about to explode from holding it all in :)
Dee - Thanks for letting me try one on my own. Maybe next time can I have one that doesn't suck? Just Kidding! (but not really) Despite everything I enjoyed this, and am now more skilled at conflict resolution than ever. So thank you :)
Everybody else - thanks for helping make this work. I know there were some stupid requests (tables outside, Martin?) and last-minute change ups (curry, Vicki?) but at least we all survived!!


Happy Ever After

Why I Laminated Room Service Menus on Tuesday, or, The I'll-Quit-Before-You-FIre-Me Bartender

So there I was - Tuesday evening and I'm in Dawn's (oh what the hell, she couldn't think of a name she liked anyway) office, methodically laminating a stack of 120 copies of our new room service menu. Why am I back here when I should be in the front, taking care of customers and chatting merrily with bar guests?
Because Guy hates me. Not just the 'I don't like you so I'll make snide remarks around you' or 'I'll sit in stony silence and try to make you uncomfortable' kind of hate. I'm talking full-on, leaves the room when I enter, no words spoken whatsoever kind of hate.
Let me explain why.

Because we are not the biggest of restaurants, we often have only one waitress and one bartender on at a time. The bartender handles the lounge and bar, which is almost always busy, and the waitress handles any tables, to go orders and room service orders that come in. This way, the money is well distributed and everyone goes home happy.
Waitresses have a serious amount of sidework each night - they have to soak, polish and roll a bin of silverware, roll silverware for the breakfast server (because she's almost 100 years old and can't quite do it correctly herself), fill all of the sugarbowls and salt & pepper shakers on the tables, set the blinds, dust the windowsills and bottoms of the chairs and tables, break down the beverage station at the end of the night, break down the server station and clean the front of house. That's a lot for one girl to do.
Conversely, the bartender has sidework, but not much. He should soak, polish and roll his own silverware at the beginning of the night, clean out the chill chest for the beer, stock the beer following FIFO, check and fill his mixers and ice, disassemble and soak his bar gun each night, wipe down counters, set out his liquor display, stock his wines & liquors, handle the cash machine and set out the bar snacks each night. At the end of the shift, his bar should be sparkling, with all of the liquor and beer locked away.

Now, before I go any further, please understand that I bartend three nights a week. And every night, I do all of my sidework and the work that wasn't done the night before. I don't set any policies or requirements that I can't (or won't) do myself. Also, all of the sidework lists and lists of responsibility have been checked and endorsed by Dawn, and she occasionally comes out and checks how I'm handling things in the FOH. So it isn't like I'm throwing heaps of madness on this guy.
That being said, here's the problem: Since he started working here, Guy has only shown an interest in two things. 1) Making money, preferably more money than anyone else. 2) Being a complete and utter asshat.
If you are not paying attention, Guy will do the following:
Steal your tables
Steal your To-Go orders
Steal your rolled silverware (I think he's rolled his own twice, ever)
Never follow FIFO in the chill chest
Never clean out the chill chest
Leave things to rot in the bar fridge
Let mold grow in the bar gun holder
Never set up his bar display
Never set out bar snacks
Cut customers off who are not intoxicated
Let the bar trash overflow
Make waitresses run his dishes to the pit
Make waitresses stock his glassware
Forget parts of his uniform
Make waitresses run his desserts, dressings and condiments
Never marry ketchup and mustards
Never restock and just tell customers that we're out
Put red wines in the fridge
Open multiple bottles of the same wine or liquor
All of these things are problems that Dawn or I have spoken to him about before. These things drive me crazy because they make our bar (and restaurant and hotel, by association) look crappy and second rate.

On one memorable occasion, I discovered how little Guy cares by pure accident. I spilled some strawberry syrup (I had been making daquiris) onto the floor of the bar fridge. So what do I do? Grab a bottle of sanitizer spray and a rag and climb halfway into the fridge, of course. In a classic instance of me giving someone too much credit, I noticed that everything I had asked Guy to clean out and restock (the week before) appeared to be done. Wow, I thought, good job. Until I moved a container of pineapple garnish and noticed that it seemed to have dark splotches on the plastic. I tried to wipe them off for a moment before I realized - the pineapple was growing black fuzzy mold inside the container. And still, I gave Guy the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it was just a bad pineapple to begin with.
And then I delved further into the fridge, and noticed that NOTHING HAD BEEN DONE. The carafes of simple syrup and maraschino had strings of slime floating thru them, there was uncorked wine in the back, the mixers had mold growing in the pourspouts and on the threads that screw the cap on, underneath the fresh fruit in the garnish bowl there were whole limes and lemons that were soft and growing white mold, there was soured half & half in the chill chest... the list goes on. I had not checked these things because I (mistakenly, obviously) trusted him to complete them. He's an adult, and I assumed that he had the sense of personal responsibility and lacking that, pride, to run a clean bar.
On the upside, that whole experience has taught me an important lesson, and one that Dawn has been trying to teach me from day one: YOU are responsible. People are inherently lazy, and will avoid hard work whenever possible. This means that I must go behind them and check their work, as though I were a kindergarten teacher, and sometimes guide them thru it step by step. That sucks, but it is part of life.

So it happened that last week I was working one of my waitress shifts with Guy bartending. As I return from running a room service order, I see an older gentleman sitting at one of my tables with a menu. Now, it is common practice for the bartender to seat a guest if the waitress is running room service, so I'm not bothered. I start over to the table to take the guest's drink order when Guy stops me.
"I've got it," he says.
"Okay. What did he want to drink?" I'm thinking maybe the guest just told Guy what he wanted to drink (some people don't wait for us to ask) so I'm still not worried.
"Don't worry, I've got it," Guy says, a little more forcefully.
"Okay, but he's my customer, and I need to know what he's ordered," I respond in kind.
"You need to calm the hell down!" He's doing that thing where you yell without raising your voice, and it really pisses me off. I'm having a slow night, and I'm not about to let him take this one from me. I'm also pissed because we're standing on the restaurant side of the kitchen window, where every customer at the tables and bar can see us, but Guy is blocking my path to the server station. I'm also also pissed because this is the second time I've had a problem with him this night, and I have stood up for him too many times before. If he screws with me on this, I'm going to make sure he doesn't work with us anymore. Weeks and weeks worth of frustration and indignation come spewing out of me and I yell:
"Guy, you are about THIS close to not working here anymore!!"

He hasn't spoken to me since. I went straight back to Dawn's office to tell her what had just happened. I have never lost my temper like that in front of customers before, and I was embarrassed and ashamed of myself. Dawn assured me that it happens to everyone at some point, so better I got it over with in front of customers who know me and understand the situation than new ones who might not come back after seeing someone yell at a co-worker like that.
Later that night, Guy went back to Dawn's office and put in his two weeks, and let me tell you, they are going by like molasses. Dollars to donuts, the next problem he had at the bar would have been his last if he hadn't quit. I just can't handle that sort of disrespect and ineptitude.
And you can bet your ass that I'll be training the next bartender from scratch, and I'll be their training wheels for as long as it takes; I'm not going thru this crap again. Until then, I'm enjoying the quiet.

Happy Molding

The Bestest is Yet to Come

Oh me, oh my - there is sooo much to tell you. I'm drop-dead tired right now, but here's what we've got coming up in the next week :)

The single most white-trash wedding reception in the history of the world
The famed Frosting Fight of '07
An absolutely amazing group from LM who are welcome back in my banquet rooms any day
A truly great customer - yes, you, Grey Goose & Cranberry
The let-me-quit-before-you-fire-me asshat and what I did to provoke it (unintentionally, I assure you)
My F&B Manager who thinks I have slighted her on my blog
and
How not to be an utter effstick at the bar

Doesn't that sound like fun, boys and girls? I'm finally back to my regularly scheduled programming, so I'll have plenty of time to write in the next week. Until then, keep it tuned to the same Big Deal time, same Big Deal station :)

Happy Snoozing

Oh Holy Poopstick.

I'll not be posting much this week because I'm working triples - yes, you heard me, TRIPLES.
That is from 6am to about 11pm all week, with a few hour breaks throughout the day. It doesn't sound so bad, and I'm making boucoup bucks, but I have two small children to care for and keep up with at the same time, so it is wearing me a little thin.
On the upside, I'm harvesting post ideas like cotton on the side of the road, so I have lots to say after I get some sleep this weekend.

On a totally unrelated note, I saw my first prostitute. How cool is that?

Happy Boinking

A Saddening Exchange

I would like to preface this post by saying that I am putting this up for the benefit of my coworkers and family member and friends, who I have been trying to explain this woman's ineptitude to for days now. I truly feel that you can't understand how daft, rude and impossibly thick she is until you read her words for yourself. If you'd like more examples of this woman's handiwork, head on over to Raging Server and check out the comments section on pretty much any one of his posts - she likes to troll his site, and I apologize to him (and the rest of the world) on her behalf... we really should be more understanding of complete morons - they can't help being socially retarded. I've heard rumor that she trolls other foodie blogs, too, so you may have seen her around.

I'm sure you can tell from the rebuttals in my first post what kind of bizarre claims and complaints she was making. And I'd like to apologize in advance for the crude names I used in the second post. The first and third posts are me, I just used two different names on accident. My bad. Have fun!

Ande said...

Why don't you apply for a waitressing position at your local Outback or Applebee's or one of those other corporate giants you seem to frequent? I would really love for you to deal with customers like yourself, and finally understand a few things - like the bread that comes to your table.
Guess what? I work at a little bar & grill, independently run, with a nice wine list and a Cordon Bleu trained chef, and if someone orders an entree from our menu, I STILL have to bring them a hot loaf of bread. It's the rules, lady. Imagine how much worse it is in a corporate-run restaurant - I've seen servers take a rant from the manager for forgetting those chips or that bread. If you don't want it, DON'T EAT IT. Same with the sodas and teas - as FOH manager, my policy is to refill those drinks as soon as they are less than half full, and since our beverages always come out in a clean, fresh glass, if they want something else, it isn't any problem to bring it back and set it in the server station. If you didn't want another drink, DON'T DRINK IT. Or say 'no, thank you' when they bring it to your table. No one is forcing you to eat and drink just because something is on your table. Should I also take care to remove the salt and pepper shakers, and the sugar bowl, lest you feel compulsed to eat those, too?
For the 'half filled sides,' you need to understand that there are reasons for things being the way they are. Sometimes, dishes are not small enough to fully encapsulate the exact measured portion of a side dish or condiment, so it appears less than full. But almost every restaurant has a specific portion amount for everything, and that is what you're going to receive, be it in a ramekin, soup cup, saucer or salad bowl - it is still the same amount, you aren't being stiffed.
You keep saying 'if I was' but the fact is that you AREN'T. Either try it out so that we can all see you fall flat on your face, or stop commenting and posting about it.
This may sound sadistic, but I actually love new people who think that they are going to be that one, perfect server. I've met a few, but they were truly humble, and definitely the proverbial 'diamond in the rough.' They were raised to be polite and friendly and efficient, most of them don't even have to try. You are nowhere near humble, understanding or kind enough to lick one of those server's slip-resistant shoes, and I cringe in sympathy for whichever of them has stumbled across you in their time on the floor.
Customers like little things like a personal 'thank you :)' on the check (obviously I haven't classed you as a customer) and some friendly chit chat. As long as it is kept short and sweet (unless we're empty and the customer is a regular), I encourage my servers to converse with their customers. It builds a more personal connection with the server and helps the customer enjoy the meal and the overall experience at our restaurant.

Also, you should consider some grammar and punctuation lessons. I know we all make mistakes (self included) but DEAR GOD! I can barely read your blog and posts for all of the INAPPROPRIATE CAPITALIZATION and "excessive" "use" "of" "quotations" when what you really needed were 'these.'

October 17, 2007 8:47 AM

Springs1 said...

Ande
“I STILL have to bring them a hot loaf of bread. It's the rules, lady. Imagine how much worse it is in a corporate-run restaurant - I've seen servers take a rant from the manager for forgetting those chips or that bread. If you don't want it, DON'T EAT IT.”

We’ve already a few times been to Mexican restaurants where they greet you with chips & salsa and declined them due to that we were just getting a dessert and drinks. They didn’t MAKE US HAVE IT ON THE TABLE. THEY DIDN’T EVEN PUT IT ON THE TABLE.

Even if you bring it to my table, YOU STILL CAN ****ASK**** IF I WANT IT OR NOT! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT?

At Outback, out of ALL the bunches of times we have gone there ONLY ONCE were we greeted with bread. All the other times, we got greeted WITHOUT bread and put our drink and appetizer order if we choose to get an appetizer. At that time, the server ****CAN ***** ***************ASK********************* INSTEAD OF JUST BRINGING IT TO THE TABLE. It’s called being ****CONSIDERATE**** OF WHAT THE “CUSTOMER” WANTS.

Let me ask you a question: What if you went to greet me at Outback without bread, just as we usually get and I tell you we don’t want bread. Do you mean to tell me you have to PUSH IT ON ME? Do you mean to tell me we HAVE to have it on our table? LIKE HELL I WOULD NOT MAKE YOU TAKE IT BACK IF I DIDN’T WANT IT just as we did when we declined chips & salsa. A CUSTOMERS SHOULDN’T HAVE TO HAVE SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR TABLE IF THEY DON’T WANT IT THERE. You mean to tell me you can’t TELL YOUR MANAGER WE DON’T WANT THE BREAD? There is something MAJORLY WRONG WITH THAT IF YOU HAVE TO DELIVER SOMETHING FOR NOTHING.

“Same with the sodas and teas - as FOH manager, my policy is to refill those drinks as soon as they are less than half full, and since our beverages always come out in a clean, fresh glass, if they want something else, it isn't any problem to bring it back and set it in the server station.”

If all servers had to do this, I would get this happening all the time, but instead it’s only about 20% of my outings I have servers that don’t ask or let me ask for a refill. MOST SERVERS ***DO**** LET ME DO THE ORDERING OR ASK ME THEMSELVES. They obviously don’t want to make trips for nothing.

“If you didn't want another drink, DON'T DRINK IT.”

I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO PUT IT ON MY TABLE! I DON’T LEAVE IT ON MY TABLE. I have made a server take a glass of water I never ordered, because it was such a small table, I needed the room. I DON’T HAVE TO TAKE IT IF I DON’T WANT TO.

“Or say 'no, thank you' when they bring it to your table.”

This remark PISSES ME OFF! THERE’S NO WAY IN HELL I WOULD “THANK” SOMEONE FOR WASTING MY TIME! If anything, they should be ***APOLOGIZING*** for WASTING TIME and trying to do the ****ORDERING FOR ME**** WHEN THAT IS ***MY JOB**** NOT THEIRS!!!

I HAVE NEVER SAID “THANK YOU” when I have wanted to switch soft drinks. LIKE HELL IF YOU THINK I WOULD! THEY SHOULDN’T BE TRYING TO MAKE THAT DECISION FOR ME. THAT’S ******************MY****************** DECISION IF I WANT ANOTHER REFILL OF THE SAME DRINK! WHY DO YOU THINK IT’S THE SERVER’S JOB TO ORDER FOR THEIR CUSTOMERS?

“No one is forcing you to eat and drink just because something is on your table.”

I DON’T LET THEM KEEP SOMETHING I DON’T WANT ON THE TABLE LIKE A REFILL I DON’T WANT OR CHIPS & SALSA. I DON’T FEEL I SHOULD HAVE TO HAVE THAT IN MY WAY.

“Should I also take care to remove the salt and pepper shakers, and the sugar bowl, lest you feel compulsed to eat those, too?”

Those are ***NOT*** THE SAME, because they are way on the SIDE OF THE TABLE. THEY AREN’T IN THE MIDDLE OF TABLE OR A DRINK I AM ORDERING. The things on the SIDE of the table are just that, ON THE SIDE NOT IN PEOPLE’S WAY. THINGS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TABLE AND AN EXTRA GLASS CAN BE IN THE WAY. Especially sitting at a small table or booth, an extra glass or unwanted bread can be a nuisance.

“But almost every restaurant has a specific portion amount for everything, and that is what you're going to receive, be it in a ramekin, soup cup, saucer or salad bowl - it is still the same amount, you aren't being stiffed.”

NOT TRUE that I am not being “STIFFED.” One time I ordered crab cakes at Applebee’s that comes with REMOULADE SAUCE. The side is small. The first side had about ¾’s of a side. I
had actually ordered an extra side of remoulade sauce. The second side had it only HALF-FILLED. The first side was pretty much acceptable, but NOT the second side. Do you UNDERSTAND that ***BOTH*** OF THE SIDES SHOULD HAVE BEEN FILLED THE SAME AMOUNT? I ended up having to ask for more, because they didn’t actually fill them up all the way. First off, since I am PAYING for the FIRST side, I should get a “FULL” side. Secondly, I ordered a second one, so that one should have been FULL ALSO. IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT “PORTION” they may have, it’s the fact that if you ORDER a side of whatever condiment it should be a ***FULL*** SIDE. HOW COME A LOT OF TIMES I HAVE A SIDE OF RANCH FILLED ALL THE WAY? Then the mayo won’t be?

“Either try it out so that we can all see you fall flat on your face, or stop commenting and posting about it.”

I DON’T HAVE TO “TRY” TO KNOW WHAT I ****EXPERIENCE*** AS A CUSTOMER TO KNOW HOW TO *********PREVENT*********** MISTAKES FROM GETTING TO CUSTOMERS.

“Customers like little things like a personal 'thank you :)'”

Honestly, I have talked to a few people about this and they said that they’d rather get their check FASTER THAN for their server to waste their time doing that. They also said it doesn’t sway them tipping any more than what they were going to.

I feel writing that shows how SELFISH those type of servers are that they ONLY care about their tips and NOT about their customer’s TIME.

“some friendly chit chat.”

I chit-chat with servers ***AFTER**** I HAVE PLACED MY ORDER AS LONG AS I AM NOT INTERRUPTING SOMEONE ELSE’S TIME. I feel talking to them BEFORE I have even ordered about personal stuff makes me irritated because I am HUNGRY AND THRISTY. If I can have my drink in 2 minutes, I want it in 2 minutes, NOT in 5. If I can have my food in 30 minutes instead of 35, I would rather have my food in 30 minutes. MOST PEOPLE WANT THEIR FOOD AND DRINKS OUT FASTER THAN TO TALK TO THEIR SERVERS. THIS IS THE TRUTH. I have read A LOT of people’s opinions about this. A LOT of people feel that an unobtrusive server that doesn’t bother them and only is there when needed. Think about people on a date and how they want ALONE TIME. CHIT-CHATTING IS FOR BARTENDERS, NOT FOR SERVERS! When a customer bitches on “HOW LONG” something took, you can LOOK IN THE MIRROR AT WHO IS PARTIALLY AT FAULT HERE. If you chit-chat with me BEFORE you get my order, then you have just DELAYED my ordering, which delays my food getting to my table. When you are thirsty, do you really want to wait for your server to finish chit-chatting with the other table or go get your refill? A server job is supposed mostly about “SERVING”, NOT AT ALL ABOUT “CHIT-CHATTING.” GO TO A BAR IF YOU WANT CHIT-CHAT. GOOD SERVERS DON’T HAVE THE ***TIME*** WHEN THEY ARE SLAMMED TO CHIT-CHAT. These people keep saying they don’t have the time to get the condiments before the meal, well GEE, you have the time to CHIT-CHAT, you HAVE THE TIME TO GO GET MY RANCH OR WHATEVER CONIDIMENT OR CONDIMENTS I HAVE ORDERED. When a server has time to “PLAY”, then they SHOULDN’T GET PAID TO PLAY. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO WORK BEING ACTUALLY “WORK?”

“I encourage my servers to converse with their customers.”

When you have TIME complaints, I bet you wish you didn’t do that, don’t you?

October 17, 2007 7:50 PM

Stick O'Crisco said...

Okay, you pathetic, pretentious bitch.
You do understand that you frequent corporate-run, frozen-food peddling CHAIN RESTAURANTS who underpay their servers, make them tip out absurd amounts to other people on staff and basically suck the souls from their bodies? No wonder you get such bad service! Your poor waiter or waitress has met so many customers who, like you, have a skewed sense of entitlement and no manners to speak of that they NO LONGER CARE. As soon as they see you they read the rest of the night and just don't really give a shit because trying to please you is like trying to fly by flapping your arms - im-bleeding-possible.

I would absolutely LOVE for you to come pay a visit to my restaurant. I'll even seat you at one of my own tables and serve you myself. Just to see the look on your face when everything goes right and you have NOTHING to complain about would make my week.

I hate that you are so damn specific - do you remember every single order at every single restaurant you have ever been to? And every single mess-up or mistake that the waitstaff made, and every time that they so much as glanced at another table? Do you MEASURE every condiment and side and time the meal with a stopwatch? Honestly!

I hate people like you who go out to eat and claim that you're STARVING and SO THIRSTY and must be served IMMEDIATELY - why should you wait two minutes for glasses when I can just aim the bar gun at your mouth? People like you make me miss the dining experience in Europe more than anything - you're so demanding, you want your food NOW and all you're going to do is inhale it, rush your sever and leave. My restaurant promotes long, leisurely meals. If you're in a hurry, we can handle that, but it isn't the norm. Our Chefs (yes, they have been trained and EARNED that appellation) have worked long and hard perfecting our menu and hope that you will take your time to savor and enjoy the food they have prepared; preferably with a glass of nice wine - not that white zin crap you probaly drink straight from the box thinking that you're high class.

If you ever treated one of my servers the way you seem to by your postings, or didn't have the common decency to say please and thank you, not only would I place an automatic gratuity on your bill, but I would ask you to choose: apologize or leave. I don't put up with that sh*t, and I certainly don't expect my servers to.

I love how you didn't respond to any personal points in my post. Nice.

And in response to some of your nastier points, at my restaurant, ranch and mayo are different portion sizes. Stop lumping every restaurant and server in with your own picky-as-hell experiences and try eating somewhere worthwhile. My husband is in the military and I'm a waitress - when we eat out it is a big deal and a special treat. You wouldn't catch me at Outback or Chili's or any of those other chains you frequent, because I like my food fresh and tasty, not frozen and icky. Try eating somewhere one-of-a-kind, and you won't be disappointed. I'm not saying fancy, just different.

My servers will bring that bread or those drinks to your table EVERY TIME, and if you do not want them, at least my server did his or her job and you can say 'no, thank you' and we will return it to the server station and they will consider it a treat. No harm, no foul. No one assumed or ordered for you, they simply followed guidelines and did their job.

You will ALWAYS find a personal note from your server on a check here, because it shows that they took the time to recognize YOU and thank you for your business. It has nothing to do with tips or money, and everything with service. I always try to remember something specific about my customers and put that with my name and a smiley face on my tickets - not only are they easier to sort at the end of the night, but my customer feels like I appreciate them and noticed them. It takes about 30 seconds to add a personal thought and a smiley onto a tab, by the way. I usually do it while my folder copy is printing, or while you're finishing your meal.

I've never had a time complaint, and I don't think ever will. I have a well-trained staff at a small restaurant with an exceptional Chef, GM and Sous.

If you're ever in Colorado Springs, come join us for dinner. In the meantime, my staff will continue to deliver bread, drinks and smiley faces, and I'll continue posting the exemplary comment cards on the board in the server station. Come to think of it, we may need to buy a new one soon... the one we have is almost full :)

October 18, 2007 2:40 PM

stick o' crisco
"Okay, you pathetic, pretentious bitch."

You DON'T even KNOW ME and you already calling me a name. LOOK IN THE MIRROR AT WHO'S THE BITCH!

"You do understand that you frequent corporate-run, frozen-food peddling CHAIN RESTAURANTS who underpay their servers, make them tip out absurd amounts to other people on staff and basically suck the souls from their bodies?"

YES I DO, THAT’S WHY I AM SMART ENOUGH NOT TO BE A SERVER.

"no manners to speak of"

What do you call saying "THANK YOU" EVERY SINGLE TIME SOMEONE BRINGS ME SOMETHING UNLESS IT'S FORGOTTEN? Even then, I have said "THANK YOU" at times, but I got NO "SORRY" though. LOOK at the people who DON'T have manners. It's SOME SERVERS that don't.

LOOK IN THE MIRROR AT WHO CALLED ME A “PRETENTIOUS BITCH” AND I HAVEN’T CALLED YOU A MEAN NAME! LOOK AT WHO DOESN’T HAVE MANNERS! It’s NOT ME, IT’S YOU!

Also, when you make a mistake, if you don’t say you are sorry, then YOU REALLY DON’T HAVE ANY MANNERS!

"As soon as they see you they read the rest of the night and just don't really give a shit because trying to please you is like trying to fly by flapping your arms - im-fucking-possible."

NOT TRUE AT ALL. I have given 30% 3 times and I have given 25%-28% BUNCHES AND BUNCHES OF TIMES. If I wouldn't be truly "pleased" I WOULD NEVER PAY THAT MUCH, NOW WOULD I? There have been PLENTY, PLENTY of TIMES when we have had “PERFECT SERVICE” that NOTHING AT ALL WENT WRONG, NOT A THING!

"I hate that you are so damn specific - do you remember every single order at every single restaurant you have ever been to? And every single mess-up or mistake that the waitstaff made, and every time that they so much as glanced at another table?

NO, OF COURSE I DON'T remember EVERY SINGLE THING I have ever ordered, but I do remember things that piss me off just as MOST people do. People usually keep things into their memory’s that affects their feelings.

"Do you MEASURE every condiment and side and time the meal with a stopwatch? Honestly!""

NO, sometimes I DON'T notice the time and NO I don't always "MEASURE" the condiments. If I don't get enough of what I specifically asked for, that's when I become pissed off about it. It's like you order your food a certain way, but when the SAME server that took the order brings out the food, they are TOO STUPID to VERIFY WHAT THE HELL THEY ARE HANDING ME. You can **SEE** if I have a "HALF-SIDE" or a "WHOLE-SIDE." This is NOT ROCKET SCIENCE. This is COMMON SENSE.

“I hate people like you who go out to eat and claim that you're STARVING and SO THIRSTY and must be served IMMEDIATELY - why should you wait two minutes for glasses when I can just aim the bar gun at your mouth?”

I TRULY DON’T GET WHY YOU HATE PEOPLE LIKE THAT. MOST PEOPLE ARE LIKE THAT.

Just look at all these time complaints from:

http://www.complaints.com/complaintofthedayoctober142000.4.htm

"We were waited on and order was taken at 11:40am, and did not receive our lunch until 12:25pm. I understand that the noon hour is busy, but not only did our drinks run out, but our waitress avoided coming to our table.
This not only made us late coming back to work, but the food was cold. When we looked on our ticket our order was not placed until 12:08."

http://www.complaints.com/complaintofthedayoctober192000.1.htm

“After 20 minutes we received our tea.”

“Then after another 25 minutes(and still no food) he walked by us 4 times, gave me eye contact, but never appologized for the delay in our order.Finally the food came, wrong order and cold.”

http://www.planetfeedback.com/index.php?level2=blog_viewpost&topic_id=301226

“waited 20 minutes to try and place my order my husband asked another server it he could get the person who's taking care of this table and he told okay waited another 10 min totalling 30min waitng”

http://www.planetfeedback.com/index.php?level2=blog_viewpost&topic_id=301388

“My breaking point is when after 15 min with no drink”

“we asked for the check and to go meal .That turned out to be another 20 minutes !!!!!”

http://www.planetfeedback.com/index.php?level2=blog_viewpost&topic_id=297128

“After waiting 45 minutes to be seated it took 10 minutes for the waitress to come to the table. After waiting another 25 minutes for our food, the waitress brought 2 orders that were wrong. I took an additional 15 minutes to get replacement orders and even after that, one of them were still wrong.”

http://www.planetfeedback.com/index.php?level2=blog_viewpost&topic_id=109687

“We set there for a time before she took our drink orders, she was slow giving us refills.”
These are ONLY a LITTLE BIT of the people that want their stuff in a timely manner.

“If you're in a hurry, we can handle that, but it isn't the norm.”

IT IS IN CHAIN RESTAURANTS AND MOST RESTAURANTS THAT AREN’T FANCY. If it wasn’t the “norm”, most of the time, you’d have to wait for refills for 10 minutes every single time and your food would take 45 minutes or so instead of 20-35 mins. Normally, we DON’T wait for refills even 5 minutes. MOST servers go get the RIGHT AWAY. The ones that don’t get lower tips.

“not that white zin crap you probaly drink straight from the box thinking that you're high class.”

Don’t like white zinfandel personally. I like Sonoma Cutrer Russian River. At a fancy restaurant, it was like $9 a glass.

"If you ever treated one of my servers the way you seem to by your postings, or didn't have the common decency to say please and thank you, not only would I place an automatic gratuity on your bill, but I would ask you to choose: apologize or leave. I don't put up with that shit, and I certainly don't expect my servers to."

YOU DON'T GET IT? I **DO** SAY "PLEASE & THANK YOU". I SAY "THANK YOU" EVERYTIME EXCEPT FOR WHEN SERVERS MESS UP, THEN IT WILL DEPEND ON IF THEY SAY THEY ARE SORRY FIRST OR IF IT'S A MINOR MISTAKE. Like for instance, a waiter that took our order that brought me macaroni & cheese instead of a baked potato. Instead of saying he was sorry, he didn't. So when he brought back the thing I did order which was the baked potato, I MADE DAMN SURE I TREATED HIM WITH THE SAME ***DISRESPECT*** HE TREATED ME WITH BY NOT SAYING “THANK YOU”, because he DIDN’T APOLOGIZE. You be mean to me, I'll be mean to you by not saying "thank you." I have even said "Thank you" without an apology before out of habit.

“And in response to some of your nastier points, at my restaurant, ranch and mayo are different portion sizes.

“A side should be a "SIDE", so just because a tablespoon let's say is for mayonnaise, since I NEVER actually ORDERED a "TABLESPOON", WHY THE HELL BRING ME SOMETHING I DIDN'T ORDER?”

A side=1 SIDE, which is the CONTAINER WORTH. If I order a “side of ranch”, then it should be an EQUAL AMOUNT I get if I order Mayo, UNLESS I SPECIFICALLY STATED I DON’T want that much.

So if the customer orders like this: “I would like a side of mayo.” The SERVER should be **SMART** ENOUGH TO KNOW that a customer is ****NOT*** going to know that to this restaurant, a side of mayo to them(which TRULY ISN’T) is a table spoon worth. So if the customer orders a “SIDE” that means it should be a ****FULL***** SIDE EXACTLY JUST AS ORDERED. Did the customer order like this: “I would like a “TABLESPOON” or a “LITTLE” mayo? NO, so ask yourself that the next time you bring out the WRONG AMOUNT. The customer SHOULD GET *********EXACTLY********** WHAT THEY ASKED FOR. If you have to charge them, go ahead, because I would RATHER PAY FOR IT, THEN TO GET PISSED I DON’T HAVE WHAT I ORDERED. I SHOULDN’T have to TELL the server something that is NOT CORRECT THAT THEY CAN OBVIOUSLY ***SEE*** IS NOT FULL WITHOUT TOUCHING THE CONDIMENT! If the customer orders a “SIDE”, well a “SIDE” is a “SIDE”, NOT a “TABLESPOON” WORTH! DO YOU GET THAT?

“Stop lumping every restaurant and server in with your own picky-as-fuck experiences and try eating somewhere worthwhile.”

The restaurants I eat at I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the food and drinks. They have GOOD FOOD at the places I go to. I HONESTLY, ANYDAY, would MUCH RATHER have a Chili’s burger with fries than a Filet Mignon. I just don’t like the fancy foods that much. I love cheese sticks, southwestern egg rolls, salads with lots of ranch, crap dip, crab cakes, etc. I don’t really care for the fancy stuff most of the time.

"You wouldn't catch me at Outback or Chili's or any of those other chains you frequent, because I like my food fresh and tasty, not frozen and icky."

That's YOUR OPINION. I LOVE CHILI'S, OUTBACK, RED LOBSTER, APPLEBEE'S, ETC. Remember, EVERYONE’S TASTE BUDS AREN’T ALIKE. I HATE ketchup, which 90% of the population likes ketchup.

"Try eating somewhere one-of-a-kind, and you won't be disappointed. I'm not saying fancy, just different."

I HAVE before. This one restaurant that wasn’t fancy, I was overcharged, which there was only 1 other couple at a table and 1 person at the bar, so this didn't make any sense why I was overcharged due to the server NOT knowing what the menu had on it. I had ordered an entree and so did my husband. I also added a salad to an entree. This was the VERY FIRST TIME we were there. They had above out of the list of entrees that I had picked one from, "Add a house salad or soup for $1.99." When the check came, she billed me $3.50 as if I never ordered an entrée for the house salad. When I politely asked why the price was $3.50, she was RUDE by telling me "It's whatever is in the computer." I was thinking in my head “As if the computer matters when the ADVERTISTED PRICE IS WHAT MATTERS.” Anyway, I had to SPECIFICALLY SHOWED HER WHERE ON THE MENU IT STATED THIS. She went to get her manager in the back, which she still didn’t apologize at this point as ***I*** WOULD HAVE IN THIS SITUATION WHERE I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN PROVED WRONG IF I WOULD HAVE BEEN THE SERVER IN THIS SITUATION. All they did was fix it, no comp, which I feel for being treated like that, I should have had the salad taken off. I didn't speak to the manager either. Anyway, ONLY AFTER she brought back the finalized check she said “Sorry about the mistake." She got stiffed. It was her RUDENESS and her NASTY ATTITUDE as if she wasn't wrong and that what price the computer had only mattered. It’s like when you buy something in the store, you go according to the shelf price, but if it scans a higher price, you may choose to tell them, so I DO NOT GET WHY this waitress couldn’t possibly think SHE could have been at fault? It wasn't the wrong price in the computer, it was **HER** that pressed the WRONG BUTTON. The revised bill had "Add house salad to entree" instead of just "house salad" which had $3.50. I was overcharged $1.51. My point is, this was a NON-CHAIN restaurant, had almost no other customers and I STILL GOT BAD SERVICE. The restaurant was Mediterranean and middle eastern.

"My servers will bring that bread or those drinks to your table EVERY TIME, and if you do not want them, at least my server did his or her job and you can say 'no, thank you' and we will return it to the server station and they will consider it a treat. No harm, no foul."

There's NO WAY I would say "NO THANK YOU" to something I NEVER ORDERED.

"No one assumed or ordered for you, they simply followed guidelines and did their job."

They did by not asking me as they greeted me BEFORE they handed it to me. For instance, even if they greet me with bread, **BEFORE** THEY EVEN ATTEMPT TO PLACE IT ON THE TABLE, THEY CAN SIMPLY BE CONSIDERATE ENOUGH TO ******ASK****** IF I WANT IT OR NOT. It's called being nice and considerate which is something you don't understand OBVIOUSLY. They can bring it out by following the guidelines, but they can also **ASK** BEFORE HANDING IT OVER WHILE IT IS IN THEIR HANDS INSTEAD OF JUST PLOPPING DOWN SOMETHING ON THE TABLE THAT WAS NEVER ORDERED. WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS? The CUSTOMER is supposed to say what they want or don't want. MY SERVER ISN'T SUPPOSED TO DO THE ORDERING FOR ME, whether it's something free or not. ASK BEFORE HANDING IT OVER IS WHAT I AM SAYING.

The server “ASSUMED” I wanted bread, because they NEVER ***ASKED*** ME BEFORE THEY PLACED IT ON MY TABLE.

"You will ALWAYS find a personal note from your server on a check here, because it shows that they took the time to recognize YOU and thank you for your business."

NOT TRUE AT ALL. If I had a scanner, I could scan ALL THE RECEIPTS I HAVE THAT HAVE **NO** "THANK YOU'S" or smiley faces or whatever personal notes on the check. Those servers didn't have the TIME to do that and didn't want to waste the customer's time.

"It has nothing to do with tips or money, and everything with service. I always try to remember something specific about my customers and put that with my name and a smiley face on my tickets - not only are they easier to sort at the end of the night, but my customer feels like I appreciate them and noticed them."

IT DOES, just look at all these sites that say this is what it's for:

http://money.cnn.com/2004/08/24/commentary/everyday/sahadi/

“Draw smiley faces on checks. Waitresses (not waiters) who drew smiley faces on the bill got bigger tips in one study.”

http://www.icrsurvey.com/Study.aspx?f=AP_Tipping_0702.html

“Writing "thank you" on the check also increases tips”

http://www.hotel-online.com/News/PR2006_3rd/Sep06_Tipping.html

“We've found that customers tip more when servers do things such as writing thank you on the check”

http://weblogs.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/dining/reviews/blog/2007/10/
“Writing thank you on the check, 13 percent more.”

“*A waitress drawing a smiley face on the check, 18 percent more.”

http://books.google.com/books?id=7r__T-oD5WAC&pg=PA40&lpg=PA40&dq=%22writing+a+smiley+face+on+the+check%22&source=web&ots=Np1QUBkD1V&sig=jtH1bvQjZFxAqElSgq-H0UyqTvk

http://www.marginalrevolution.com/marginalrevolution/2005/04/what_do_we_know.html

“7. Drawing a smiley face on the check increases a waitress's tips by 18 percent”

http://bitterwaitress.net/smf/index.php?topic=6574.20

Mr Chowder said: “Everything the waitresses did increased their tip average by 1 - 2 percent. I tested over a 4 week period and had all the same watresses try different things. Strangely, on a holiday (can't remember which monday it was) all the tips went down.

We tried drawing a smiley face on the check, putting stickers on the check, candy with the check, gum with the check, and a flower in the hair.”

There’s many more sites that *****PROVE***** writing a note or smiley face on the check INCREASES TIPS!

“I usually do it while my folder copy is printing, or while you're finishing your meal.”

What if I order something else after a dessert, so you just did that for nothing? Are you going to waste another 30 seconds doing this non-sense?

Instead of WASTING VALUABLE TIME, you **COULD** be taking that 30 seconds to get someone a refill. DO YOU REALIZE THAT? You could have been actually doing “REAL WORK” instead of doodling, which is PLAYING ON THE JOB! People want their food and drinks PRONTO! I bet if you polled everyone in a restaurant, 95% would say they’d rather have their stuff as *****FAST***** AS THEY CAN GET IT! There would be a few RARE people that like to just take their time, but MOST people WANT THEIR FOOD AND DRINKS NOW, NOT LATER NOW! If I can have my refill in 2 minutes, I want it in 2 minutes, NOT 5 minutes. 95% of the dining population FEELS THE SAME WAY, OTHERWISE YOU WOULDN’T SEE ALL THESE “TIME” COMPLAINTS, NOW WOULD YOU?

"It takes about 30 seconds to add a personal thought and a smiley onto a tab, by the way."

HONESTLY, MOST people DO NOT CARE ABOUT THAT CRAP. THEY WANT THEIR CHECK 30 SECONDS FASTER HONESTLY. I for sure don't give a shit if someone writes that crap. That just shows they don't care about their customer's time, because that 30 seconds could be used to get another customer's refill. You are "PLAYING" on the job instead of actually doing "WORK." Writing that stuff is play. Going get someone's refill is WORK. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO "EARNING" YOUR PAY?

I have had at least 2 overcharges when servers have done this. If you have time to do this WASTING TIME CRAP, then you have the time to make sure a customer is NOT OVERCHARGED whether it's a wrong price or an extra item or a wrong item or any type of overcharge. I would think ANY SANE CUSTOMER would MUCH RATHER NOT BE OVERCHARGED, JUST SO THEIR SERVER CAN WRITE “THANK YOU” OR DRAW A SMILEY FACE ON THEIR CHECK, WOULDN’T YOU AGREE?

"I've never had a time complaint, and I don't think ever will. I have a well-trained staff at a small restaurant with an exceptional Chef, GM and Sous."

Well MOST chain restaurants DO. Did you read ALL of those “TIME” complaints? Maybe at the restaurant you work at, but MOST CHAIN RESTAURANTS DO have MANY time complaints of “HOW LONG” someone waits for something.

October 20, 2007 1:09 PM

I would like to point out a few things. One, I said you will always find a thank you and a smiley HERE, at my restaurant. Second, we don't do it for the tips - we do it to show appreciation for the customer. Maybe it raises the tip because they feel appreciated and recognized - and if they didn't want the personal touch, like she suggests, why would they tip more?
I am ending this pointless run around with this woman because it is... pointless. She will always be one of Those customers - you know, the ones who feel they are entitled to anything and everything, who are never wrong, who never apologize or thank anyone for anything, who make you cringe when you see them sit in your section.
I apologize to her future servers, her husband and her family for having to deal with her, and I offer them my deepest sympathies.

Happy Bitching.

Get Over It!, or, What to do if You or Someone You Know is Cut Off

I think I will just get this one over right out of the gate, in the hopes that some of my customers will read it and honestly take it to heart.

If I cut you off, I have a reason. I'm not so petty or bitchy that I'm going to cut you off because I don't like you or because you are annoying as hell. I'm willing to continue serving you for two reasons:
1. I really, truly want you to have a good time at my bar. I want you to say, 'Wow, that was the best damn bartender I've ever had - I'll be back tomorrow night!! And I'll bring my friends!1!!'
2. The more liquor I sell you, the higher your tab runs, the more $ I make. Yay!

Here are a few of the reasons I have cut people off in the past (for comparative studies, I guess):

1. "I've always wanted to do a waitress with her apron still on." Yeah, no. That is an inappropriate-as-f*ck comment, which shows a lack of judgment - one of the first signs of intoxication.

2. "I think I'll have a cack'n'joke. I mean, a jack'n'joke. Oh man, you know what I mean." Hell no. Slurring words, the fact that you spilled half of the last round all over the bar - those things tell me that you are losing your coordination, another sign of intoxication.

3. "What?!? You ain't got no Miller Lite? Got damn, I been drinkin' 'em all f*ing night. Don't you tell me, I think I know what I done drunk, got dammit." Sir, we don't have Miller Lite - I ran out last week. You've been drinking Coors Lite this whole time, as evidenced by that silver 'Coors Lite' bottle open and in front of you. The inability to logically follow a fact to its conclusion is classic - as is the inappropriate cursing. Me not having your beer is not a good reason to blow your stack. Note the ridiculous overreaction - I ran out, it isn't like I accused you of being a tard, which you obviously are.

4. I have served you the maximum oz/hour of liquor allowed by either my establishment or state law, whichever is lower. Please don't argue this point with me, because you will embarrass yourself. Yes, he had more beers than you had mixed drinks because it takes multiple beers to equal the amount of pure liquor in one of your double Crown & Cokes.



The thing is, everyone at my bar is over 21. This means that you are all adults, and I expect you to act as such. Pitching a huge fit and getting angry and aggressive about it is childish, and I will not hesitate to have your drunk ass escorted from the premises. The bigger scene you cause, the more justified I feel in cutting you off.
Please don't argue with me or try to come up with ways to get me to serve you again. Because I work in a hotel restaurant/bar, guests like to get creative with this one.

1. If you order alcohol as room service, I will deliver it because that is house policy (to protect our 17 year old Katie from pervs ordering booze). I will see that it is you, the customer I cut off at the bar 30 minutes ago, and leave. You get no alcohol.

2. If you leave for 30 minutes and then come back, the answer will still be no. I will see that you are the intoxicated customer from half an hour ago, and I will not serve you. You get no alcohol.

3. I will not give you directions to the nearest bar so that you can go drink more. If you say you're going anyway, I will call the other bars near this hotel and warn them not to serve you any more booze. You get no alcohol.

4. I will not tell you how to get to the closest liquor store. If you say you'll find it yourself, I will call a) the Police, because you're probably trying to walk there (and if you're driving after I have cut you off, you are a piece of shit who deserves a night at the station) and they will arrest you and b) the liquor store, in case you make it there before the Police get to you, and they will not sell booze to you.* You get no alcohol.

5. I will not sell alcohol to anyone in the same room, or to another customer if I feel that it is going to be handed to you. If I do see someone pass alcohol off to you, I will take it away or squirt something nasty from my bar gun into it, and then I will have you removed from my bar. You get no alcohol.

*This only works because the local liquor store is run by responsible individuals.


I had a great example of what not to do a few nights ago. Two men come in, maybe a dad and his adult son?

Dad: Gimme uh dubble jack'n'coke.
Son: Same.
Me: Do you gentlemen need a menu this evening?
Dad: Nah, jus give us them drinks. The first one'll probly knock me off my stool ennyway.

So no food. Food gets you more alcohol, by the way, because it dilutes and extends the alcohol in your system. These two men were redneck white trash - rude and making jokes to each other about me being a very curvy girl and if I smile all the time, wink wink. Over about 2 1/2 hours they had 5 double jack'n'cokes each. But during that last one, they grew louder and louder and more obnoxious and rude and began annoying the other guests at my bar - most of them business travelers with more class in their pinkies than these men had in their whole bodies.

Me: (quietly, so I don't embarrass them) Sir, this is going to have to be your last one. Would you like your tab now?
Dad: Wut da hell do you mean, last one?
Me: I'm sorry sir, but I've already almost overserved you. I can't legally give you anymore alcohol this evening.
Dad: Thas such bullshit. You gotta serve me till I stop paying. We'll have anuther round.
Me: I'm so sorry sir, but I really can't give you any more alcohol this evening.

For the next HOUR these two guys argued with me and every other guest at the bar, trying to get me to serve them more alcohol. They tried to convince other guests to buy them drinks and meet them outside, they tried to bribe me and they tried to convince me of bogus laws about customers leaving and coming back and getting more booze because then they're 'new' customers who have to be served.
I finally convinced them that there would be NO MORE BOOZE tonight, and they left, but not without stiffing me COMPLETELY on the tip - they paid the $60+ bill, no tip, and left, still complaining. When a few of my more awesome customers realized that they had stiffed me on what would have been a decent tip, they all chipped in and left me about 50% on the cut-off's tab, on top of tips on their own tabs. (And that is why I love love love bartending - I meet great people, interesting people and shitty people, but then there are those few who stand out, and you remember them for years after.)

So hopefully you now know what to do if you or someone you know is cut off - say thank you for the drinks, pay your tab and either hang out a bit longer (we don't mind) or leave quietly.

Happy Drinking!

The Truth of Bartending, or, Why my job is 100x harder than you imagine

For my first true blog post, I'd like to discuss something near and dear to me as a bartender:
The Truth of Bartending

Let us begin by covering a few things, namely, my responsibilities as a bartender. Someone once told me that the best way to think about serving alcohol is to accept that you are, in fact, a drug dealer. Alcohol is a mind altering, addictive and potentially harmful substance that must be served in measured and monitored quantities, preferably by someone who is trained to do so. At my bar, we all have TIPS training, and I STRONGLY recommend it to any establishment looking to increase profits and professional demeanor at the bar.

My job is to mix and serve your drinks while maintaining a running calculation in my head of your rough BAL, all the while serving other customers and remembering their information & number of drinks and monitoring every person at the bar and in the restaurant for signs of intoxication.

'But if you have only served them one drink, you don't have to worry about watching them, right?' WRONG. I don't know what you did before you walked into my establishment. I don't know if you just downed half a bottle of vodka in your car and it hasn't hit you yet, I don't know if you've been sucking down Crown & Coke in your room all night, but decided to come down to the bar and have a Crown & 7 (you know, for a change of pace) and can hold your booze well. I don't know.

I am responsible for you. While you are drinking at my bar, I might as well be your babysitter, and I take that responsibility VERY seriously. I am going to do my best to keep you from doing or saying something stupid, leaving here to go drink elsewhere when you are cut off, hitting on the seriously demented looking person next to you and making regrettable food or drink choices. This is called customer service.
I am also responsible for you in other ways, namely a little something called Dram Shop Liability, a policy my state happens to operate under. It says that if I allow you to become completely smashed at my bar and then you go walk into traffic, I am responsible because I over served you. (Little known fact: it is actually illegal to get completely drunk at a bar.) Yes, even if you are staying at my hotel or the one next door, even if you have a ride home or money for a taxi, even if you hold your liquor really well, even if you promise, promise, promise with cherries on top that you aren't going anywhere but to bed, I can not serve you once you start to appear intoxicated.
What if I over serve you and you go upstairs to your hotel room, decide that you smell or just want to relax in the shower, and slip and hit your head? What if you look up into the water stream too long and drown? What if, what if, what if? I am liable for that. You could sue me, the hotel and my manager for not properly training me. I have children, a husband, a family and not a whole lot of money, so for my safety and yours that is not a risk I'm going to take.

I have to listen to all kinds of utter crap spewing from the mouths of my customers. No, really. You wouldn't believe some of the conspiracy theories, ridiculous financial advice and long winded personal stories I have stood and smiled through. I don't really give a crap if President Clinton is accepting bribes in the form of cattle and gold from the Red Chinese. I really don't. And your second cousin's daughter's lifestyle choices? Not even remotely interesting, especially since they involved becoming the town's first lesbian librarian. Who cares? Not me. But I will still stand there, pressed for information and opinions and bullied into responding. I hate customers who make sexual references because I am a curvy woman, or who make guesses at my home life based on their relatively short time at my bar, when I am being paid to smile and cater to your every whim.
I especially hate customers who like to feel important and knowledgeable by grilling you about inane topics that they guess you know little, if anything, about. I did manage to switch this one up on a customer who was going on and on about poetry (I guess I don't appear well-read?) as follows:

Him: "I especially like the chromatic stylings of a certain English poet - perhaps you've heard of him - E. A. Poe? I had the distinct honor of visiting his grave just outside of Cambridge. Truly amazing, I tell you. You know he was famous for his poem "Nevermore," which introduced iambic pentameter."
Me: "Actually, sir, Edgar Allen Poe was an American poet, and is buried in Baltimore. And I think you mean 'The Raven.' And iambic pentameter is the measure used for Shakespeare's sonnets. 'The Raven' is written in trochaic octameter, which he borrowed from Elizabeth Barrett. But I truly enjoy that poem as well."
Him: "....."

He paid rather quickly and left. Now, I'm not this good at everything, but he happened to be droning on about a topic that I'm quite knowledgeable about - I love Poe, and can recite The Raven and Annabell Lee by heart. But I'm just saying, as a bartender, you have to know these things.

I must know everything. I have to know the best places to go for sushi, steak, ribs and pasta, the best tourist (and non-touristy) attractions, how far it is from my bar to every landmark in the city, open and close times for major attractions, any special events (festivals and shows), the weather for tomorrow and some good jokes. I have to know room prices for the night at my hotel and the two next door, all of the restaurant specials and 86's for The Grill and what kind of mood the Chef is in (she's pretty pissed, now is not a good time to order a well-done filet mignon with fries instead of the starch and veg du jour) and what time the big games are on. I should know the top three baseball and football (college and pro) and where all of the teams are from, so that I can match travelers to their teams.

I have to cut people off, and they never take it well. Cutting people off is one of the worst parts of being a bartender. For the one guy who understands that it isn't anything personal, just house and state policy and pays his tab and hangs out with you a bit longer, you will have five who pitch fits and complain and act like children about it. Here's a tip: the more fuss you make, the more convinced I am that I was right to cut you off. I have more to say on this, but that will be my next post.

I frequently get no tip. I don't know why, but a lot of people feel that they shouldn't have to tip the bartender for a table of beers. I know that popping the cap on your beer and delivering it to your table doesn't seem like a big deal, but here's what you miss:
1. Restocking the chill chest every day involves carrying tons of beer and liquor to the chest, rearranging things so that we follow FIFO (first in, first out) and taking stock in back.
2. Cleaning out the nasty cap catch on my bottle opener.
3. Memorizing the entire beer list; name, brewing company, type and nationality
4. Scrubbing out the chill chest every week. Cold, difficult and thankless.
Tip your bartender on the beer, guys - just because you don't see it doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

That is all I can think of for now. Bartending is both easier and far more difficult than it appears - chatting with customers, mixing classic drinks and watching customers enjoy themselves and each other is a breeze. The behind-the-scenes training, memorization and side work is immense and hard, and it requires a certain kind of person to make it meaningful.

Tip your bartender, ladies and gentlemen. They deserve it :)

My First Post! OMG!!1!!

It has finally happened. The unthinkable. The incredible. The frightening.

I have decided to blog.

It isn't that I feel the need to emulate those 9-5 yuppies and blog about my boring-as-hell day to day activities (Today, Fluffy finally peed on the firehydrant outside our two-story brownstone, and I decided to go ahead and purchase that plum pinstriped button-down at Neiman Marcus!), but I do feel that someone might appreciate (if only family and friends) the incredible things that can happen at a hotel restaurant & bar. It shouldn't be too hard for me to post, I think, because something new and amazing - whether the quality is inherent in its stupidity or randomness - almost every night.

So, to introduce myself, I am Ande, the headwaitress/bartender at a local hotel restaurant, The Grill. I work with another bartender (Guy), a waitress (Katie), a Chef (Vicky), a Sous (Sam) and my F&B Manager (Dee). Our restaurant is located here in the lovely Springs, CO, and is directly across the street from the Airport. We are frequented by lewd businessmen, inappropriate pilots, trashy stewardesses and decrepit old people, and also by some of the best guests anyone could ever hope to meet; the kind you remember for years and who permanently affect your life. That would be you, Mr. Sterling, Mr. Lehman.

While I do not expect huge followings like theirs, I would like to recognize the people who inspired me to blog about my experiences, namely my husband, who always wants to know what happened at work and who I met, and enjoys my stories as much as I enjoy telling them.
I'd like to point out that Ribeye at Raging Server and Waiter at Waiterrant are incredible storytellers, and (I imagine) incredible servers, as well. I thank them for the great blogs and effective tips :)

So, to all my family and friends, this blog's for you!